TO SHE WHO WAS BEFORE ME

Your hand stiffened in my grip as you stared at the lone woman by the grocery isle, making me regard her more acutely.

 She has a striking resemblance to me. I am going to ask you who she is but she notices you and her eyes widen with shocked delight. She is beaming at you and you are as ecstatic as a boy with an extra piece of candy. “This is Tiffany,” you begin the awkward introduction, “my ex.” Then, all the pieces of the puzzle fall into place. So it is she who was before me.

This doppelganger of myself is the one who kept you warm all those lonely years that you swore to me were bleak without me yet as I look at you two chatting away, I cant help but feel that those years weren’t as tormented as you would want me to believe. She has a family now, and your smile wanes oh so slightly from that knowledge, and despite the revelation, I still feel the need to mark my territory with her around. I clutch your arm more tightly and move in closer, you are uncomfortable, I can tell. I could always read that sideways glance you do while working your jaw but I don’t barge.

Tonight, your hands grip tighter I am sure it will bruise. You seem lost in space during the thaws of our making of love. Despite myself, I find myself wondering, is it I or my twin Tiffany who occupies your mind in the euphoria of our passion. Are you this wild because you are full of energy or are you trying to purge yourself of what Tiffany was to you, the feel of her skin, the breathlessness of her pleasure when you touched her, the rise and fall of her bosom as she neared climax. Were you seeing her in place of me? Is that why I look so alike to her?

My thoughts and my worries rob me of the peak cliff of pleasure your love always brings and when it is over, you lie spent next to me and I think to myself if Tiffany was the one who left you shamelessly shacked to the memory of her or if you are the one who walked away. You turn, drape your arms on me and murmured something in your sleep before resuming your snore. You leave me wondering and ulcerating over whose name exactly it was. Mine or Tiffany’s or another woman who was before me.

Finally, my sanity kicks in to save me from my insecurities. It reminds me that she has a family now, and somehow, that is a consoling notion that blankets my worries as the sooth of sleep takes over me. That night I dremt of Tiffany, she who was before me and my smile on her face.

I am Velma, the unqualified ex.

Neymar vs James Rodriguez

Am i the only disillusioned female out there who feels like the world cup organisers did not do such a good job pitching Neymar and James Rodriguez against each other. Today at 22.00hrs East African time, my heart will bleed out cause my 2 favourite footballers will be tearing each other apart for a chance 2 play in the semi finals.Watching them batle for suprimacy will peobably remind me why i love both of them. First, i'm taken aback by the fact that they are both jersey no.10!! Neymar is 175cm tall while Rodriguez is 180cm. Both are of acceptable height not forgetting that they are young and eligible. Neymar was born in 15feb 1992 and James was born on 10 july 1991 so wen u luk @ it critically, his bday is in the next 6 days!! Not forgetting to mention that the two are the highest scoring players in the world cup with exhilarating goals that make your blood pump in your ears as adrenaline rushesover your whole body making you jump for joy! Now do you see how all these statistics put me between a rock and a hardplace when it comes to today's Columbia Brazil match. If it was posible, i would love both of them to go through but since it is supposed to be a quatre finals knockout, this is one game where i am symetrically neutral.May the best man win and above all, may they give us amaizing game!!
I am Velma, the unqualified footballer lover!!

My demons

Have you ever had a bizzare dream about someone that you hurt. Let's just say that i broke someone's heart and it is haunting me even in my dreams. I was jolted from my dream at 4 am today and i wrote this to him. In case they are out there listening to me pouring out my soul
"I dreamt of u tonight! Again 4 the upteenth time u slipped into ma mind wen my guard ws down. How u ask. So my dad got a new 4ne and i was realy excited coz it has all these awesome features that wen i went 2 bed last night, i put on some music. I've juz realised that evanescence was playing before i fell asleep and other than bleach, Amy Lee's voice is another thing that reminds me constantly of you. Why do you haunt me so? It's 4.25am and i hav clas @ 8 so i nid 2 sleep. I'll tel u the rest kesho. Til then, ths r the cronicles of my pride.
And when later came, i described the dream "You were seated on the couch next to the chaise longue and i came and pulled you by the hand into the kitchen. I stopped right infront of the sink, put my arms around u and embraced u." Inocently as friends do. Its amaizing that even after all this while my feelings towards you are pure. You would have thought i should hate you like you do me but i do not and not once not twice i have looked at my 4ne wondering "why dont i text him?" Then i remember why. Its coz u dont dont feel the same way about me. Its either you hate me like u do now or u want more than i am willing to give. Or maybe then again its juz my pride that cant let me divert from my life's trajectory. My big arse pride that makes it impossible to give and take love. Or may be its coz i am an unfeeling,  scientific and rational intj? Who really knows? All in all, this is Velma the unqualified dreamer.

STALKER 101

Okay so call me obsessive but there is this supper hot guy seated adjacent to me in the student center 1^st floor. He is not any other average teenage boy with some zit covered face, no this is a whole new guy. I mean the type of guy you stalk and haunt until he gives you time of day. Let me give you a vivid description of him now that he has come back to sit.

He is light skinned, not the type of yucky O.J yellowness nuh uh I mean this great shade of light skin that me and my sister call ‘the complexion’. He is not this types of jocks to go around loud in school banging other kids heads and bullying other people, he Is more like this guy who try’s very hard to keep to himself but people are just attracted to him because of the aura he emanates. I gathered this from his aloof clothes. In the school environment I like calling Strathmore university where everyone wears so frivolly for the show of how much their parents earn, he has put on a simple black jumper  and some simple official slacks. On top of that, he has white earphones connected to his I assume totally hot ears. He is a loner cold and aloof, mysterious but alluring, something dangerous, lethal yet all the more seducing to the senses.

Okay so now that I’m looking at him, he reminds me of someone. I can’t quite put my finger on it but I’m sure he is someone hot. Yeah the lips, how could I forget the pink, supple lips that are more edible than an original Italian dish. Plus I can tell you about his taste in music. That wasn’t really hard to crack since he has this totally hot gothic arm choker with spikes and the trademark skulls intricately etched to it. His ringtone is also totally Goth I mean something out of breaking Benjamin if not bullet for my valentine. Aww, he is sleepy, apparently the course he is taking doesn’t exactly interest him since now that he has realized he can’t really sleep he is staring at the book with very little interest if any.

Yeah ive got it!!! Eureka if u may. He reminds me of Chris brown. Not just any Chris brown. I mean the really hot musician Chris Maurice brown and call me unethical but I feel  like being all over him like a barrelful of monkeys and I think by saying that I speak for all the gals in the house.

What about you [BREAK: I interrupt this debriefing to inform yall that ALLASS HE SPEAKETH TO ME!!!!! Wow his voice is not a disappointment infact it has even more promise than I thought it would. You know deep, rich and totally fitting his looks. Plus I had to look up at him to get what he was saying since he had stood up. And yeah, he is tall not the finn freakishly tall but tall  above my head in heals kinda tall] okay so where was I before the break? Yeah I was asking yall how about you other girls who is that dude who has caught your attention today and you so wanna stalk him??? This is stalker 101. 

Im Velma btw. The unqualified stalker.

I LOVE CARTOONS!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes I look at my younger sister and pity her coz she missed the classics. If you are somewhere between 16 and 25 you know exactly what I mean by the classics. Justice league, batman and robbinhood, superman, Spiderman were among the pioneering classics. I distinctly remember when I was in class 3 I would hurry home on Thursdays because KTN was airing justice league. That cartoon was a classic, if you are with me say aye! The whole coming together of superman, green lantern, batman, flash, wonder woman, fly girl and that other green guy who could walk through stuff (yea I think those are all of them) was a blast!

If that wasn’t enough, I remember brace face, Kim possible, sixteen and the proud family. It’s accurate to say that those cartoons raised me up. They have contributed a big deal to the person I am today. They were real, creatively built around a plot that would not only interest children but also teens and young adults. After a while though, KTN got phased out and we all moved to cartoon network. True fact-I had crammed ben 10 episodes by heart and no one could beat me while reciting Jonny Test reruns. Cartoon network had some awesome shows like Lazlo, squirrel boy, secret Saturdays, star wars-the clone wars and so many more. Nowadays however, it has watered down its awesome shows to ben 10 and a lot of other cartoons that look as if they were drawn by 3 yr. olds.

KTN in the other hand is trying to keep it real by bringing nice shows like phenius and ferb, angel friends and farhat but still at the end of the day the originality of the classics when it comes to cartoon and animation shows has been eroded over time and now I’m wondering, what shows will my kids watch? I pity the coming generation.

I’m Velma btw, the unqualified cartoonist.

THE GENTLEMAN IN YELLOW

Ok so to cut through the chase I’ll tell you about a guy in my class who is half Japanese half Luo. I will hold on to his name to protect his identity but all you need to know about him is the fact that he is hot. Did I say hot? Oh my bad, I meant HAWT!!!!! Like 180⁰ boiling in summer kind of hot. When I got to class this year, I was amazed to see that he had held his hair in a ponytail at the nape of his neck. Just the other day we were all audience to relatively short hair and after no time, his hair was long enough to be held in a ponytail. Ok simply put, I gave him the double look. You know when you sit in class then he walks in for the first class and you see him for the first time. You first of all just look normally then look away then in the process of looking away, you realize that you actually loved what you have just seen, not like but love, so you look again immediately and stare, goggle and gawk? Yep I gave him one of those inappropriate double looks when he came to class for the first time this semester with his cool new ponytail hair do.

So I thought that he was hot. Men was I wrong! After 2 or 3 days, the fashion cops around school realized that ponytails weren’t official so they asked him to shave his hair cause it was way too long than it suites a gentleman to have. So the next time he came to class, he had short cropped his hair. That was the fateful day. I got to class pretty early and when he arrived, I was the only that he could relate with so he told me hi and as obvious I started lamenting about his hair although I still thought he looked hot. So he sat on the seat behind me and my girlfriends filled up my bench. A couple of girls filled his bench and the bench behind him was also filled by girls.

The lecturer came to class almost immediately so there was no time for everyone to register that he had shaven his hair and actually looked even hotter!! (I know you are also confused. We just have this brand of guys who don’t look good in something but they make something look good. He enhances the hair style when it should be the other way around, absurd huh?) So my pal seated right next to me was mesmerized by the pure hotness of his new look and she just had to look back and have a little peak. Something about her peak was the fact that it wasn’t so small and the teacher noticed:

“Gentleman in yellow, I think you should change your seating position and move to the front coz this lady seated in front of you will break her neck looking at you,” said the teacher na sisi sote tukafreeze. That was all it took to have my pal blushing like a fool and the whole class bursting into laughter. That damn teacher took it upon himself to emphasize the intensity of her stares and put briefly, it wasn’t pretty- ok at least for my pal because I laughed myself silly! The whole class knows he is pretty and so does he and being caught red handed staring at him and being announced in class isn’t good. So other than that we continued concentrating in class until there was yet another rude interruption:

“gentleman in yellow, for this whole semester you will be seating here at the front next to me cause none of the ladies next to you are concentrating. Now it’s the ladies behind you who are busy talking to you, “said the teacher again. And thus was the story of the gentleman in yellow born. If you think he is hot and you are looking for a codename, gentleman in yellow should do perfectly!

I’m Velma btw, the unqualified lady in yellow.

DON’T SHIT WHERE YOU EAT!

 The lecturer is late to come to class and I’m really troubled right now. Let me put it down easily for you so that you can comprehend. Never ever (even though he is the last man standing on earth) date your classmate or worse yet get an attaching relationship that will leave you drained once you get out of it. So let’s say, vaguely that I had this type of an unhealthy relationship with a guy in my class last semester and now that we are basically not talking to each other, it’s pretty draining for me. I get this moments when my heart beats on over drive when I get a hint of his voice circulating somewhere about class and I behave as if I have not heard a thing. Just now, he has announced something about the registering for units and I am more than ecstatic because I have already registered so I don’t have to go around him any time soon.

Just the other day, the lecturer gave us something to discus in class and she told us to turn to the desk adjacent to ours. Hell! He was on that bench! Lucky for me, the bench in front of ours defiled the lecturer and turned to our desk. If not, I would have been forced to exchange those weird attempts of small talk that never really work out.

I also get these moments when I look about class just lazing, you know, letting your mind wander or simply scanning the class for the guy whom I had given my notes then our eyes kind of meet and I feel as if my heart wants to chuck from my rib cage! I mean literally chuck from it through my mouth before I hurriedly look away as if my eyes have been burnt. If that’s not enough, I get these heat flushes the moments he participates in class. All this blood rushes so close to my skin I can hear it in my ears and I feel as if the air conditioning just broke down sometime in January. Trust me it’s not a pretty feeling.

Nowadays I always get in class when the lecturer has arrived and chuck as soon as he says bye. I abstain from hanging with our previous crowd (thank God for the library!) I just go there to be alone in the name of assignments and study when the real reason is the fact that I don’t want to see him. As I type this, I’m praising the heavens since this is my last semester and I’ll be off to do my degree. Then, I’ll be wiser with how to deal with guys-never get attached at least not to any of your classmates! Now I know!

I’m Velma btw. The unqualified school girl!