STALKER 101

Okay so call me obsessive but there is this supper hot guy seated adjacent to me in the student center 1^st floor. He is not any other average teenage boy with some zit covered face, no this is a whole new guy. I mean the type of guy you stalk and haunt until he gives you time of day. Let me give you a vivid description of him now that he has come back to sit.

He is light skinned, not the type of yucky O.J yellowness nuh uh I mean this great shade of light skin that me and my sister call ‘the complexion’. He is not this types of jocks to go around loud in school banging other kids heads and bullying other people, he Is more like this guy who try’s very hard to keep to himself but people are just attracted to him because of the aura he emanates. I gathered this from his aloof clothes. In the school environment I like calling Strathmore university where everyone wears so frivolly for the show of how much their parents earn, he has put on a simple black jumper  and some simple official slacks. On top of that, he has white earphones connected to his I assume totally hot ears. He is a loner cold and aloof, mysterious but alluring, something dangerous, lethal yet all the more seducing to the senses.

Okay so now that I’m looking at him, he reminds me of someone. I can’t quite put my finger on it but I’m sure he is someone hot. Yeah the lips, how could I forget the pink, supple lips that are more edible than an original Italian dish. Plus I can tell you about his taste in music. That wasn’t really hard to crack since he has this totally hot gothic arm choker with spikes and the trademark skulls intricately etched to it. His ringtone is also totally Goth I mean something out of breaking Benjamin if not bullet for my valentine. Aww, he is sleepy, apparently the course he is taking doesn’t exactly interest him since now that he has realized he can’t really sleep he is staring at the book with very little interest if any.

Yeah ive got it!!! Eureka if u may. He reminds me of Chris brown. Not just any Chris brown. I mean the really hot musician Chris Maurice brown and call me unethical but I feel  like being all over him like a barrelful of monkeys and I think by saying that I speak for all the gals in the house.

What about you [BREAK: I interrupt this debriefing to inform yall that ALLASS HE SPEAKETH TO ME!!!!! Wow his voice is not a disappointment infact it has even more promise than I thought it would. You know deep, rich and totally fitting his looks. Plus I had to look up at him to get what he was saying since he had stood up. And yeah, he is tall not the finn freakishly tall but tall  above my head in heals kinda tall] okay so where was I before the break? Yeah I was asking yall how about you other girls who is that dude who has caught your attention today and you so wanna stalk him??? This is stalker 101. 

Im Velma btw. The unqualified stalker.

I LOVE CARTOONS!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes I look at my younger sister and pity her coz she missed the classics. If you are somewhere between 16 and 25 you know exactly what I mean by the classics. Justice league, batman and robbinhood, superman, Spiderman were among the pioneering classics. I distinctly remember when I was in class 3 I would hurry home on Thursdays because KTN was airing justice league. That cartoon was a classic, if you are with me say aye! The whole coming together of superman, green lantern, batman, flash, wonder woman, fly girl and that other green guy who could walk through stuff (yea I think those are all of them) was a blast!

If that wasn’t enough, I remember brace face, Kim possible, sixteen and the proud family. It’s accurate to say that those cartoons raised me up. They have contributed a big deal to the person I am today. They were real, creatively built around a plot that would not only interest children but also teens and young adults. After a while though, KTN got phased out and we all moved to cartoon network. True fact-I had crammed ben 10 episodes by heart and no one could beat me while reciting Jonny Test reruns. Cartoon network had some awesome shows like Lazlo, squirrel boy, secret Saturdays, star wars-the clone wars and so many more. Nowadays however, it has watered down its awesome shows to ben 10 and a lot of other cartoons that look as if they were drawn by 3 yr. olds.

KTN in the other hand is trying to keep it real by bringing nice shows like phenius and ferb, angel friends and farhat but still at the end of the day the originality of the classics when it comes to cartoon and animation shows has been eroded over time and now I’m wondering, what shows will my kids watch? I pity the coming generation.

I’m Velma btw, the unqualified cartoonist.

THE GENTLEMAN IN YELLOW

Ok so to cut through the chase I’ll tell you about a guy in my class who is half Japanese half Luo. I will hold on to his name to protect his identity but all you need to know about him is the fact that he is hot. Did I say hot? Oh my bad, I meant HAWT!!!!! Like 180⁰ boiling in summer kind of hot. When I got to class this year, I was amazed to see that he had held his hair in a ponytail at the nape of his neck. Just the other day we were all audience to relatively short hair and after no time, his hair was long enough to be held in a ponytail. Ok simply put, I gave him the double look. You know when you sit in class then he walks in for the first class and you see him for the first time. You first of all just look normally then look away then in the process of looking away, you realize that you actually loved what you have just seen, not like but love, so you look again immediately and stare, goggle and gawk? Yep I gave him one of those inappropriate double looks when he came to class for the first time this semester with his cool new ponytail hair do.

So I thought that he was hot. Men was I wrong! After 2 or 3 days, the fashion cops around school realized that ponytails weren’t official so they asked him to shave his hair cause it was way too long than it suites a gentleman to have. So the next time he came to class, he had short cropped his hair. That was the fateful day. I got to class pretty early and when he arrived, I was the only that he could relate with so he told me hi and as obvious I started lamenting about his hair although I still thought he looked hot. So he sat on the seat behind me and my girlfriends filled up my bench. A couple of girls filled his bench and the bench behind him was also filled by girls.

The lecturer came to class almost immediately so there was no time for everyone to register that he had shaven his hair and actually looked even hotter!! (I know you are also confused. We just have this brand of guys who don’t look good in something but they make something look good. He enhances the hair style when it should be the other way around, absurd huh?) So my pal seated right next to me was mesmerized by the pure hotness of his new look and she just had to look back and have a little peak. Something about her peak was the fact that it wasn’t so small and the teacher noticed:

“Gentleman in yellow, I think you should change your seating position and move to the front coz this lady seated in front of you will break her neck looking at you,” said the teacher na sisi sote tukafreeze. That was all it took to have my pal blushing like a fool and the whole class bursting into laughter. That damn teacher took it upon himself to emphasize the intensity of her stares and put briefly, it wasn’t pretty- ok at least for my pal because I laughed myself silly! The whole class knows he is pretty and so does he and being caught red handed staring at him and being announced in class isn’t good. So other than that we continued concentrating in class until there was yet another rude interruption:

“gentleman in yellow, for this whole semester you will be seating here at the front next to me cause none of the ladies next to you are concentrating. Now it’s the ladies behind you who are busy talking to you, “said the teacher again. And thus was the story of the gentleman in yellow born. If you think he is hot and you are looking for a codename, gentleman in yellow should do perfectly!

I’m Velma btw, the unqualified lady in yellow.

DON’T SHIT WHERE YOU EAT!

 The lecturer is late to come to class and I’m really troubled right now. Let me put it down easily for you so that you can comprehend. Never ever (even though he is the last man standing on earth) date your classmate or worse yet get an attaching relationship that will leave you drained once you get out of it. So let’s say, vaguely that I had this type of an unhealthy relationship with a guy in my class last semester and now that we are basically not talking to each other, it’s pretty draining for me. I get this moments when my heart beats on over drive when I get a hint of his voice circulating somewhere about class and I behave as if I have not heard a thing. Just now, he has announced something about the registering for units and I am more than ecstatic because I have already registered so I don’t have to go around him any time soon.

Just the other day, the lecturer gave us something to discus in class and she told us to turn to the desk adjacent to ours. Hell! He was on that bench! Lucky for me, the bench in front of ours defiled the lecturer and turned to our desk. If not, I would have been forced to exchange those weird attempts of small talk that never really work out.

I also get these moments when I look about class just lazing, you know, letting your mind wander or simply scanning the class for the guy whom I had given my notes then our eyes kind of meet and I feel as if my heart wants to chuck from my rib cage! I mean literally chuck from it through my mouth before I hurriedly look away as if my eyes have been burnt. If that’s not enough, I get these heat flushes the moments he participates in class. All this blood rushes so close to my skin I can hear it in my ears and I feel as if the air conditioning just broke down sometime in January. Trust me it’s not a pretty feeling.

Nowadays I always get in class when the lecturer has arrived and chuck as soon as he says bye. I abstain from hanging with our previous crowd (thank God for the library!) I just go there to be alone in the name of assignments and study when the real reason is the fact that I don’t want to see him. As I type this, I’m praising the heavens since this is my last semester and I’ll be off to do my degree. Then, I’ll be wiser with how to deal with guys-never get attached at least not to any of your classmates! Now I know!

I’m Velma btw. The unqualified school girl!

                               

2013 I DRINK TO THAT

Okay so once more we are within the wake of a new year. Everyone has resolutions this resolutions that but I don’t make resolutions I don’t intend to follow and even if I make one that I will implement, I actually do it on my new year i.e on my birthday because the world turning one year older doesn’t mean I have to change my way of life as much as myself turning a year. So I will tell you my resolution when we come to that bridge(sorry to the curious souls) but for now I just wanted to wish you all a happy new year! 2012 is gone and 2013 is on baby! All the weird prophecies of he apocalypse have not come to pass phew! And it’s a wake of a new year that you get to breathe God’s air and tread his soil. For that we say thank you to the almighty and to all my girls and guys lets drink to that.

This here is to my girls, the crazy fruit salad days and the nights we used to text away, this is to my guys, the true ones who didn’t start catching feelings for me in the middle of the year for the many laughs, hangouts, machismo contents and all, this goes to all my classmates in DBIT Strathmore university, the hard times in programing and the easy times in Kigen’s classes, this is to my family, missing me all the way in Nakuru as I type a blog in the name of programing, this is to all the Kenyans out there and the world at large. Today a good friend of ours who has been taking care of us without fail is turning a year older and it is so nice of you to come out to celebrate it. Cheers to mother earth.

Im Velma by the way. The unqualified drunk.

THE FOREVER LIE

Imperfect beings unlike gods we lie,

Such frailty not akin to gods coz we die,

So please don’t speak to me about forever,

Coz unlike gods delivering that you will never.

Forever is an illusion, a well told lie,

We only have between now and when we say bye,

May your lips speak not of love to eternity,

Coz you are human you can’t deliver immortality/

I LOVE MY POETRY!!!!