Your hand
stiffened in my grip as you stared at the lone woman by the grocery isle,
making me regard her more acutely.
She has a striking resemblance to me. I am going to ask you who she is but she notices you and her eyes widen with shocked delight. She is beaming at you and you are as ecstatic as a boy with an extra piece of candy. “This is Tiffany,” you begin the awkward introduction, “my ex.” Then, all the pieces of the puzzle fall into place. So it is she who was before me.
She has a striking resemblance to me. I am going to ask you who she is but she notices you and her eyes widen with shocked delight. She is beaming at you and you are as ecstatic as a boy with an extra piece of candy. “This is Tiffany,” you begin the awkward introduction, “my ex.” Then, all the pieces of the puzzle fall into place. So it is she who was before me.
This doppelganger
of myself is the one who kept you warm all those lonely years that you swore to
me were bleak without me yet as I look at you two chatting away, I cant help
but feel that those years weren’t as tormented as you would want me to believe.
She has a family now, and your smile wanes oh so slightly from that knowledge,
and despite the revelation, I still feel the need to mark my territory with her
around. I clutch your arm more tightly and move in closer, you are
uncomfortable, I can tell. I could always read that sideways glance you do while
working your jaw but I don’t barge.
Tonight,
your hands grip tighter I am sure it will bruise. You seem lost in space during
the thaws of our making of love. Despite myself, I find myself wondering, is it
I or my twin Tiffany who occupies your mind in the euphoria of our passion. Are
you this wild because you are full of energy or are you trying to purge
yourself of what Tiffany was to you, the feel of her skin, the breathlessness
of her pleasure when you touched her, the rise and fall of her bosom as she
neared climax. Were you seeing her in place of me? Is that why I look so alike
to her?
My thoughts
and my worries rob me of the peak cliff of pleasure your love always brings and
when it is over, you lie spent next to me and I think to myself if Tiffany was
the one who left you shamelessly shacked to the memory of her or if you are the
one who walked away. You turn, drape your arms on me and murmured something in
your sleep before resuming your snore. You leave me wondering and ulcerating
over whose name exactly it was. Mine or Tiffany’s or another woman who was
before me.
Finally, my
sanity kicks in to save me from my insecurities. It reminds me that she has a
family now, and somehow, that is a consoling notion that blankets my worries as
the sooth of sleep takes over me. That night I dremt of Tiffany, she who was
before me and my smile on her face.
I am Velma, the unqualified ex.
