TAKE A SNIFF DOWN MEMORY LANE

It’s funny how we take some things for granted. Like the 5 senses that we were so freely given by the Lord when he created us. Sight, smell, touch, taste and hearing. These senses are vital as they help us interact with our environment and other people but above all, they are important as they feed our memory and conscious. Ideally for one to remember something they need to read it or hear it as it is very emphasized in the 844 cramming regime and we also tend to remember other visual things but senses that have become forgotten due to their obviousness are that of smell, touch and taste. One may not forget how lucky they are to see or hear because there are many deaf and blind people that remind us every day but when it comes to these other senses, they are taken for granted.

I shall focus on smell. The scent of a flower, the homely smell of baking, the fragrance of your lotion, the cologne of that guy who sits next to you in class, the scent of your mom’s spray that you used to steal once in a while. All these tell a story, a tale that can define one.

As I was getting ready for bed today after my shower, when I realized that I had so many perfume bottles since time immemorial and I had to get rid of some of them coz they were just filling up my dressing table. So I took a relatively empty bottle of ‘innocence’ and got ready to start disposing but something prompted me to remove its cap and have one last sniff at its fragrance. What happened after that was pretty amazing.

I got these very vivid flash backs of my high school memories, mostly the ones that occurred on a nice day that I hadn’t forgotten my spray. I remembered my best friend from high school, the Sunday services, the crazy Saturday evening and night’s entertainment, our dance crew and most of all, my books. I used to have a bad habit of spraying my novels so that I could distinguish them, or maybe it was just a sign of love, but either way juts that small sniff reminded me of all those novels I love. It also reminded me of the novels I used to write and all those stories I had with in me.

After such an intense experience, I took bottle no2 and gave it a sniff. This took me back 5 years to my primary school days. Memories of my crush, my best friend in primary school, the tedious KCPE period and above all the party we had before leaving school.

Bottle number three reminded me of last semester which qualifies to be the best semester I have ever had at university. It reminded me of my best friend who changed campus this semester, training, a white scarf I saw given (translate stole) by a friend of mine, tournaments and programming with visual C++ which was so awesome.

Having so many memories I took my current perfume and sniffed. It reminded me of nothing! Maybe it’s because it’s a new scent and it needs time to mature in my long term subconscious memory, I’m not so sure (I don specialize in psychiatry) but I’m sure some day it will remind me of his post.

Somehow at the end of the day I found myself holding on even tighter to these empty bottles of perfumes because they meant even more to me than the full bottle. They held memories, stories of different phases in my convoluted life. They each held a tale of strong friendship, riveting books, early teenage boy crushes and many more that make me who I am today.

I pose this challenge to my readers. Go to your dressing able and take a trip down the lane of your life’s memories.

IS THE OTHER SIDE REALLY GREENER?

If the grass on the other side is greener, turn your sprinkler on or till with manure.

Ok so I’m new to the game of putting up events of my life on the World Wide Web for strangers to read and comment on and ideally I don’t have the most interesting of lives to blog about so as I was sitting around today I decided to do something absurd and blog about it. Being in the blogging game really challenges one to spice up their lives. I mean I’ve even considered bungee jumping or some other super dangerous sport so that I can blog about it when I survive, I think that should be if I survive.

So I got home from school prepared some quick noodles and got down to my poem book perusing through the inspiring, controversial and passionate words given to us by the likes of Emily Dickinson, A E Housman, William butler Yeats etcetera the list is endless, when my phone shrilled. I opened the text from a guy friend I met at campus while arranging an ICT conference almost a month earlier and replied in the jovial way I always reply to all my texts.

So I told him about my passion for the arts and literature to be precise and he was like ‘that’s nice you really like literature’ and I’m like ‘you have no clue. So what are you passionate about?’ and he is like ‘I’m passionate about lots of things but to be brief les just say life, sex, videogames, movies and sports.’ Ideally I’m not a flirt so it doesn’t come easy and whenever I feel it coming I stop it right where it is but at that moment I saw blogging material so I went on with his flow. He asked me some questions about my sex life and I slipped into character.

‘I like sex; no in fact I love it. Of late I have not been having enough of it since I have lots of school work but other than that I can even pay for it’! According to him that’s the kind of person I am. You can bet on the fact that that was a stupid move, but for once I wanted to live on the other side. I have forever been living on the good girl lane and for that brief moment I wanted to feel how life on the fast lane really feels like. I wanted to understand this crash course life where sex and love don’t come in one package and I’m guessing that if I stay around I’ll definitely learn it the hard way. Keep on keeping up with my blog and you shall know how bitter this will turn out.

As for my little wants I doubt if I’ll actually ever live that life of the promiscuous and careless but if any of my readers knows something about it please feel free to educate a sister. Cause in as much as I would love to live that life just to understand how you can sleep with yourself at night I won’t do it. When I was a little girl I also wanted a bicycle and my awesome parents bought me a mountain bike. Two weeks down the line I fell off real bad from my bike and I don’t like riding anymore. That shows that not all you want is good for you and as Sylvia Plath said “I desire the things that will destroy me in the end”. 

So dear reader help me answer my query. Is the grass truly greener on the other side? And if it is what manure and how much water do you put in the soil?

Oh I'm Velma by the way, the unqualified gardener.

SKIN DEEP

So I was just watching the clip to tear drops on my guitar by Taylor Swift and I looked at her laying there on a bed cuddling a guitar looking so utterly beautiful and lamenting that the guy of her dreams sees right through her like cellophane, when I realized that real beauty isn’t skin deep. That girl is so beautiful (no homo) yet she also laments of the cellophane syndrome coupled with lots of tears and lack of breath and I was thinking to myself kwani hakuna optica America? Coz that guy has to be blind not to notice such a gawjurz creation.

I know this post goes against the way of the shallow that I had sworn to live by (don worry siz just this once) but I have to inform the blogging world of my findings when it comes to this fleeting emotion called love. Love is deeper than the skin even Beyonce can tell you that (though I doubt that contract love but at least there was money. It’s deeper than skin). Please do not confuse your vocabulary. Attraction is not affection and lust is not love, repeat it if you may so as to get your facts right. At first I’ll be attracted to a hot guy but trust me physical attraction wears off. That’s when it will be put to the test and scale whether you have your vocabulary right.

Let me illustrate using the hottest guy in my class. Mnh mnh, the dude is so damn fine he makes us all go like uuuwwwiii babie. He is half Asian with awesome curly and bushy hair, a russet complexion, stubborn, pronounced and rather masculine features and I can’t describe his body since I haven’t seen it but in sure you can use imagination. So I’m sure you have this really hawt picture in your head. Now take that and add on this talents and abilities. He can sing, play the piano and guitar, swim competitively, he is also very smart above the fact that he is God fearing and really humble to a point of being shy.

I know, I know he is your dream guy so is he mine. So guy-x (I’m sure you are catching up with the code words) is every gal’s fancy in class and there is a group of really beautiful girls in class who have been showing interest in him but interestingly he has never reciprocated this interest. He however showed a fancy for a friend of mine from a different class who is not that strikingly beautiful but has a character and a half. One thing led to another and they were in a relationship. Damn those two really made an awesome couple. You could see them holding hands in the corridors and feeding each other at the mall, I know corny stuff but cute all the same.

What really shocked me was the knowledge that not even a half year down the line, my friend dumped him!! I know that just preposterous! If you dump guy-x whom do you want for crying out loud! Apparently guy-x was too meek for her. She sought a guy of adventure and adrenaline life not the meek, good guy-x. I know I should be happy that guy-x is back in market but I’m kinda of sad for him. He is too nice to be dumped.

If you think that’s fiction just look at Halle Berry. Who on earth cheats on such a fine woman! I know I’m also confused but I think I have one thing right: beauty doesn’t lie in the eyes of the beholder but in the heart of the beholden. Hehehe.

Oh by the way this is Velma, the unqualified beholder.

THE ONE!!

I know all the ladies will probably hide this link and read it secretly then delete it from history and my fellas will also read this probably on your pal’s machine so it can’t be traced back to you but ideally everyone has an idea of ‘THE ONE’. For ladies he has been portrayed as ‘prince charming’ a fairytale character to come swoop you off your feet into ‘Andalasia’ the world of constant love and happiness

 or ‘Knight in Shining Armor’ otherwise known as K.I.S.A to come rescue you from your world of constant misery otherwise known as reality.

 For the fellas I don’t really know what appeals but I have a feeling it has a lot to do with arse and boobs and porn star moves and lucky for me this is a post for the ladies since I’m lost when it comes to men.

Very few ladies will admit but their most favorite song in Lion King isn’t ‘hakuna matata’ but ‘can’t you feel the love’ its okay no need to refuse coz no matter how hood you believe you are you have a concept of your it guy call it ‘LEGEND OF THE ONE!’ i know you are wondering why it is a legend well that’s simple. Just think of your ideal guy. Put in some vivid description of his face structure, his eyes, his mouth, his body oh the body then put in some character and personality. Good now tell me does he exist in this world or is he a legend like a novel character? Correct! It’s the latter.

A girl once told me that her dream guy is dark haired blue eyed (please refer to Clark Kent) who has a vast comprehension of Spanish and French. He should also appreciate the martial arts and be a black belt at ninjutsu atop his mad love for heart felt literature. To top it all off, he should trace back his roots to Kogelo (refer to Barrack Obama). After our conversation I sadly looked at her and recommended a convent coz if she wanted such a man she would never marry and why waste a celibate life? Better dedicate it to the Lord. Now that ladies is a legend.

Being a girl means I also have a legend. We created this legend with my sister and its kitty pool shallow so please do not judge me by it. Btw its coded but I’ll decode. “how can a dude come up to me and start vibing me when he is T.M.M, T.F.S, M.F.P, and to top it all off he is S.L.K. damn girl I was so embarrassed he was like so S.N.S.” that’s a typical lament on a so not the one guy. Now let’s decode.

T.M.M  too much melanin (hell no to wasudy-no offense)

T.F.S      too f#@%ing short (to hell with Zacheus-no offense 2 them Zacheuses)

M.F.P    mother f#@%ing poor (if u ain got no money take your broke a## home)

S.L.K      scrawny little kid (go back to mama and grow up!)

Pretty shallow huh? But that’s just it. When defining the one he doesn’t have to be realistic coz you will never find him either way. All humans are imperfect so no thing as perfect guy. In that case dream away and create the most shallow list of all time on your LEGENDARY ONE.

Oh by the way, I’m Velma, the unqualified ONE.

FLIRT AND DIE HAPPY TOO

(Flirt and die happy? Are you sure. The begining) read the link to catch up with the madness. 

Okay so I somehow found the strength to put it down to my pal that no means no and nothing will ever happen. The only spot free in my heart was for best friend and after declaring broken hearts and feeling like I’m losing him we kind of worked things out. It was a rough patch being in the middle of a guy you “love” (notice the quotes because it’s not romantic love) and the loyalty to your parents but I believe I handled it quite smartly although it included some tears here and there it was for the better. The “I love you”s were watered down to simply 143 and all the endearment terms came down to Cherrie. Our relationship kind of went back to normal but it’s kind of weird being around him since I know he thinks of me as a woman he could acquire.

While in recovery from guy no1, I go 1 hell of a shocker. I have a best friend who is the best girlfriend one could ever dream of. She is nice and sincere and also pretty strong (I don’t like weakness of character) and she was my twin since we used to be together everywhere we went. So I day we desired a program to complete an assignment and she had to go acquire it from a friend from 2 semesters above. As she entered the class, she almost tripped but steadied herself on a locker. There was a guy seated at that desk for now let’s call him the guy. She enquired from him about our pal and when they decided that he had gone a wall he guy gave her the software she desired. They also talked for a long while and got to really connect such that they met a lot more and really became close to the point of getting into a relationship.

After a semester, my friend had to exchange schools so she left but by then I had become quite acquainted with the guy and we exchanged movies, animations, music and clips. We programmed together and criticized every whack production together but as far as I was concerned we were friends. I did that to try and protect my friend. I wanted to know he guys motives towards her and I vividly remember warning him that he will answer to me if he hurts my friend’s feelings.

That was the grace period. If I were to tell of when my life started crumbling I would star when my best friend told me that she wasn’t feeling the guys vibe anymore so she wants to breakup with him or the day that the guy told me that he is not okay he needs to talk to me about something. No let me just cut through the chase to the moment he confessed that he has developed strong feeling for me and they aren’t going anywhere no matter how hard he tries. Yea that’s when my life started coming apart. Not more than a month ago I had lost guy no1 and here was guy no2 complete package with my best friend ready to be lost too.

Unlike guy no1, he was pretty well vast with knowledge of getting women to fall head over heels for him and he hit me with his 1000watt vibe that really temped me to fall for the honey of his words but he belonged to my best friend and I also have moms code to live by so I had to ‘lay him down slowly’.

Flirt and die happy, should I flirt and die happy?  Because my human body, my weak human body wants to flirt away and melt in the volcanicity of his words while lapping sweet honey in his words but he is not my property. They say that flirting comes without a label and that’s what makes it convenient. If you label it it automatically breeds expectations and humans don’t deliver so just leave it unlabeled. If it turns out to be sugar well and good, if it turns out as poison, die happy. Only problem is that my conscious will not let me unlabel my best friends guy as my sugar and neither can I unlabel him as the poison to lose my best friend. 

Oh I’m Velma by the way, the unqualified flirt.